Joy, Fear, and Barfing

I am recovering. Yesterday during my preschool class I felt horribly sick and rushed to the little girl's bathroom, knelt in a stall (on who knows what) and vomited over and over for the duration of the class. Fortunately Miss Tracey, my aid, finished teaching the class. Later she told me that when I left an "epidemic" hit the class and all the little ones were suddenly sick as well.


So after this experience I started pontificating the act of PUKING.


As a child I had many fears. One of my fears was vomiting. I tried mentally to keep myself from what I thought the worst part of illness was, throwing up. Now however, I desire the act because I know it will bring relief.


Other things I greatly feared - getting shots and getting spankings. I felt such anxiety that I would experience more suffering simply in the before than I would in the thing I feared.

This is one of my (our) great struggles still.


The flip side of this? JOY! The joy that is found in anticipation. This is where joy for me always lay. I remember as a child some of the joy I would experience was before vacations. Looking forward to the adventure that lay ahead.

Anticipatory joy is related to my enjoyment of airports for example. And this joy can be found in our earth-life as well...the before death kind of joy.

The End

PS Here is some joyful news...Jane's son was found fine and alive and working in the Foreign Legion, ah ha!